What I really mean is that I have been trying to get a tremendous amount done while also being mindful of my health and energy levels first throughout the day. It's quite a shift for me from go-go-go.
I have been consumed the last two weeks with both our bathroom renovation (choosing, ordering, trips to hardware stores...) and starting the process of applying for long-term disability through work (paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!) Not to mention all of my regular stuff (pulmonary rehab on Tuesday and Thursday, acupuncture on Wednesday, getting my allergy shots 40 minutes from home, arranging oxygen delivery, renewing prescriptions, other appointments, a hockey game and time with friends here and there...)
Oh, and I am also starting to plan a bachelorette party (I am the maid of honor after all!), trying to get my handicap tag from the DMV (urgh!), revisiting my physical therapist from pre-surgery to get my back pain under control (it's getting better) and making preparations to meet with a lawyer who is going to do our wills. WHEW!
And I am doing all of this while contemplating two of the biggest questions I will ever have to answer in my life: Is it time to stop working? and, do I want to pursue transplant? And the hundreds of sub-questions that go along with both of those.
But, I am pacing myself. Thanks to not drinking, my head is in the best possible place to make these hard decisions and tackle all of this stuff. And since I started ginseng/acupuncture I have had more energy which is awesome.
But I would be lying if I said I thought it was possible for me to recover in a way that I have recovered from infection/exacerbation before. I am clearly in a new stage of my disease - I feel it, my numbers show it, people who know the most about me can see it. I might even call it "the coughing fit stage" because I have never had as violent of coughing attacks as I have in the past weeks. (By the way, for those who think I "look great!" Thanks for the compliment, but please remember that CF is an invisible disease.)
So anyway, please wish me luck in this process of applying for long-term disability. From what I have read, I need to suit up in a coat of arms. I am NOT looking forward to defending myself for deserving this. That is incredibly hard when I have already needed so much external help to realize this is what I probably need to do, what is best for my health.
When it's all over, a huge celebration will be in order - maybe even including a Blue Moon or two. :)