My Time

Will it be another weekend of catnaps?
Or, perhaps, something more exciting??

Y'all have no idea how crazy my life is right now. I mean, you have some idea if you are a reader of this blog or if we are close in real life. But even those closest to me do not get all the details of things I am exposed to every single day.

Rehab. I talk about it a lot. I complain about it a lot. I sing its praises. I dread it and I love it - we have a very complicated relationship, rehab and I. (smile) I have shared stories with some of you about people I've met there. I even wrote a post last month about about my rehab buddies.

Recently, for the purposes of my own mental health and sanity, I have tried to take a step back from some of rehab-ville so I can stay focused on myself. It has not made sad things any less sad or happy things any less happy, but it has allowed me to find a mental place where both focus and empathy can co-exist.

This was a very difficult week for me. I watched someone from rehab with whom I have a strong connection go on a very treacherous journey. But, and I feel kind of horrible saying this, it is partly because of the shock and sadness this week that I have now gotten to a place of such mental clarity. I had to see it, process it, talk about it, feel it, and then - as per my new tools for coping with life right now - set it aside in the proper mental compartment. This sadness will suck the life out of you if you let it. And as I wrote about in recalling last weekend's dry run and the subsequent follow-up post - I don't want to allow that to happen to me.

While my moods these days can change like the tides, I really hope I can hold this focus. Because for the first time in a while I am really and truly excited for the phone to ring. Despite the risks/possible complications/horrible stories I've heard, I know that I will have my own journey. We get our chance with new lungs, with new life, and this is my chance. This is my time! I feel empowered knowing that the things I bring to this are the elements for an extremely successful outcome.

"Whoo-hoo!"