In a Funk

Today is my first day off IVs in three weeks. I sleeeeept in. It felt so amazingly good last night to pull out my port needle and take a shower. Three weeks of bathing in the sink and washing hair over the tub can really get old sometimes.

It has been a week of thinking a lot about the big adjustment in my life. I realized that I have gone from a part time job that I love to a full time job that completely sucks: I get no breaks, no vacations. (Though I can't say there are no perks iPad, iPad!!) While I've been a bit down about all of this, I think it's only natural stuff for me to be going through.

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On a positive note, here is something that is going well for me right now: my lungs are about the best I can hope for nowadays since IVs (you might not believe it by my cough, but it's true!) I went to the pulmonary doctor last week and my numbers were up from 31% to 32%. "Thank goodness for small favors," as my acupuncturist would say.

More good things? Rehab is going really well. And did I mention I'm off IVs?? Geez, I couldn't wait for this round to be over. I did the additional (third) week since I had come down with a cold (so, kind of preventative) last week, but I'm not sure it ended up doing much. The virus ended up settling in my sinuses as opposed to my lungs. Also good: my back pain has been nary an issue lately. Awesome!

And now for some bad things: This sinus infection is slowly slowly working its way out of my system - in the meantime it is making me super extra tired. Thank goodness the headaches have stopped though.

Also, my ears are totally lit up (tinnitus/ringing) from all the Tobra I've been on. Went to the ENT this week and my hearing is diminished in my left hear but still technically in normal range. Yay for that. But annoying the stuff I have to deal with constantly now.

Also bad: I have been feeling really down this week, struggling not just with not working but also with not drinking. I don't even know why I'm not drinking. I just know that I can't right now. But when will be the time to start again?? I just want a normal life back and, in my brain, drinking was part of a normal life, healthy or not. I want to escape sometimes - can anyone blame me?! Of course not; that's why no one would ever tell me that maybe I shouldn't drink so much before I stopped.

More bad: I'm tired of not having any energy! I feel like such an old lady. Hopefully some of this is from the sinus infection but it is frustrating nonetheless. My acupuncturist reminds me how much energy my body expends just breathing. Yeah, yeah.

And last but not least: My aunt Inger passed away today. She had an aneurism yesterday and there was too much damage. It is incredibly sad - this was the woman who is responsible for much of my "shaping up" (i.e. learning some manners) as an adolescent, was responsible for me getting my first bra and was key in encouraging me in my writing by being the first subscriber to the magazine I used to create. Inger was a total character. She had the most unique and joyful laugh I've ever heard. She emigrated from Finland as a young woman and never lost touch with that part of herself. I have so many good memories of her and her family. She will be missed by many. A sad day...

L


Picture credit: Empty, publicdomainphotos.net; Owl, mycutegraphics.com; Dead flower, tanyaplonka.com