Sinking in

Roger blows out birthday candles with help from the little ones

Todd and I were back at Holden Beach for the long weekend (which also coincides with his father's birthday!) This trip was much more enjoyable than the last one. Roger has been back at the beach for over a week and is doing really well - seems back to his baseline not having too much pain or side effects from the chemo. He is, however, starting to lose a bit of his hair.

Birthdays and holidays have an added weight when family members have health issues. It was really great that Roger got to spend his birthday with three of his four sisters, Todd and I, and other members of his extended family. Roger seems to fit in at the beach like he's lived there forever.

For me, I don't really think it was the birthday that sent me into a phase of melancholy. It was, honestly, seeing how our dog Doc follows Roger around everywhere. Even if the other three dogs are hanging out together, Doc will be with Roger, always. It made me think about how much Doc is going to miss Roger when he is gone...how much we all will miss him...how much of a void there will be. I truly hope that he has several more good years ahead of him, but when someone is starting chemotherapy and we don't know the prognosis, it's unavoidable to think about sometimes.

I spent a lot of the weekend recovering from my extremely busy week, lots of appointments and an out-of-town work retreat left me zapped. But I also think that I was a bit depressed now that things are sinking in. When Roger and Brad were here a couple of weeks ago, I was just in survival mode - we would do anything and everything to make him comfortable and help him to feel better. And there wasn't room for the emotions that go along with that: sadness, uncertainty, helplessness. So now I am processing some of that.

Part of Roger's collection of sea shells

Also, in the spirit of enjoying the moments of Roger's health and feeling good, I have been tempted to see if there was a way I could get out to Montana with he and Todd and Brad in a few weeks. And I want to see Sawyer, our little nephew, as much as possible, too.

Finally, I will update you on my leg. I suspect that a good evening walk on the beach this past weekend was enough to set me back about 3 or 4 weeks. I am more than frustrated. I had been on a really good recovery course at the end of last week, although I was having a bit of pain and tightness crop up - even a bit ahead of schedule, my chiro said - and now I have regressed. He says to not get frustrated, but how can I not? My leg is really bothering me. My glut and back of my leg are really tight and painful. I am not limping anymore, but bending down or doing certain things where I twist or lean are really painful.

The sciatic nerve - I have an issue with my L5 vertebrae (labeled) pressing on it

Someone commented on my last blog that they hadn't heard about my leg. Frankly, I have become so tired of things going wrong with my body that I have tried to keep it to myself unless someone asks and is really interested. Anyway, for those who want to know: this issue first started with what I thought was hamstring tightness over a year ago. It came and went, but mostly got better until I started biking a lot this spring. I must have set something off in my back. Back - glut - leg - they are all connected.

In any case, I have sciatica in my right leg - the main manifestation was a partially numb foot, which has improved since my treatment started - thankfully not the terrible pain some people have. My primary care doctor recommended an excellent chiropractor, who I have been seeing twice a week for the last 3-4 weeks; eventually I will start PT as well, once things are not so "locked up." I am icing it 2-4 times per day, and, hardest for me, I've had to curtail my exercise to only elliptical, stationary bike, easy stretching (no yoga), and short walks. Humph.

And to pile on one more thing, my coumadin doc is now being wishy-washy about whether or not I can go off the coumadin in three months (coming up next week!) or whether I should continue on three more months. I am bummed about this as I am so ready for some Advil to help my leg (not allowed on coumadin) and to not have to be so mindful about the amount of alcohol I consume.

I wish there was more good stuff to report! But unfortunately, it's just this way right now. Also on the horizon is my mom's hip-replacement surgery next week. I am the only family member who lives here, so I imagine it will be a bit of work for me. How much isn't really clear yet.

Wish me luck with all of this!