Anxiety...not over

me, holding our beautiful le tour de femme sign

The event is over!! As much as I was looking forward to it, I am so relieved to have it over with. The biggest success was the cool people we met, some networking and getting our name out that happened. I think we sold about 17 bars, which would be slammin for First Friday at Father and Son. But the disappointing thing was that we had this awesome display of yellow ribbon and flowers we had made just for the event that hardly sold at all! When we told people half the profits were going back to the event, they thought that was so neat...but not neat enough to buy, I guess. The fact that we did not take credit cards also slowed down a few sales, as we suspected it might.

some of our ribbon and flower soaps

There was a breast cancer survivor selling t-shirts that she designs and prints herself with different cancer sayings. I bought one that says "fight like a girl" that is a really cool design and ended up going back and getting another one for a gift. Here is her website.

Anyway, at the end of the event we struck up a conversation - she offered to buy the ribbons that hadn't sold and wants to sell them on her website, which she wants to expand to include more than t-shrits. She asked if we could do them in pink goat's milk, which would be a cinch for us! She said that when she was getting chemo, her skin was SO INCREDIBLY DRY that she ended up having to get special soaps and lotions. And she found this place at the farmer's market that sold goat's milk soap that she loved. Anyway...as all good connoisseurs of soap know, once you use good soap, it's hard to go back. So she said that selling our kind of soap to the cancer community is actually a kind of service to them. Very cool!

So that we tour de femme, 2010. And I couldn't have done it without my friend, helper, and the prettiest soap pusher in the Triangle area (at least), Deana. Thanks, girl! I can't pass over Elaine and Maura either. While they weren't there, were an essential part of helping me get ready for the event. Missed you guys!!

the lovely Deana

I had hoped that after the event, I would breath a huge sigh of relief and my anxiety level would drop several notches. Unfortunately, this hasn't been the case. Which has left me in a guessing game as to the culprit of my recent spike in anxiety - is it one of the two antibiotics I'm taking? Or just an underlying problem that is getting worse? I have no idea, but my symptoms, at times, continue to create a major disturbance in my life. Last night I was up for a couple of hours trying to calm myself down enough to fall asleep. Was my blood sugar low? No. Maybe I had to use the bathroom. Yes, ok, again? Is my heart beating as fast as I think it is? Yes...ok, I need to chill...deep breaths...feeling a bit relaxed; then notice my heart pounding in my chest...maybe I should test my blood sugar again? Over and over like that. Never what I would consider a full-on panic attack, but feeling on the verge of it happening frequently.

My trusty Valium doesn't seem to be working as much as it used to. I'm not sure if I have developed a resistance to it or what. But I am definitely pursuing switching to Xanex. My friend gave me a couple and, while it took a bit longer to work, it lasted longer and was more effective. But I am concerned that it might make me sleepy, which I don't want if I'm at work or anytime I would need to drive so...yeah, I'm calling the shrink tomorrow and going to see if I can move up that appointment.